“Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse, this is Anna.” is what Kristi heard the night she made the call to our hotline. She had been in an abusive relationship for three years. She wasn’t sure she was ready to leave, but she needed someone to talk with. Kristi began to explain her situation. She was in a physically abusive relationship and had already had an Order of Protection. Her boyfriend had tried to strangle her! Each time the abuse occurred, Kristi had attempted to leave, but her abuser always managed to manipulate his way back into her life. The case coordinator listened to Kristi and gave her options that fit her situation. It was up to Kristi to decide what she was most comfortable doing.
Shortly after the call, Kristi chose to receive services at one of Emerge!’s community-based sites (for people who need services but not shelter). Kristi was still in the abusive relationship, but after four months of one-on-one sessions with her case coordinator she decided she was ready to leave. She worked on a safety plan with her case coordinator. Safety planning is important in all abusive relationships, but in Kristi’s case it was vital. Strangulation is a strong indicator that an abusive incident could become lethal.
Thankfully, Kristi made it out safely and is starting to rebuild her life. She bought a new home and is in the process of moving in. “Emerge!’s support, while I was in the relationship and after, gave me the strength to see I could live a life a free from abuse. They gave me my life back.” says Kristi.
After eleven years of abuse, Sara planned an escape from her painful situation and left with only a small backpack to begin her new life. She was lucky to have friends to help her with a place to stay and some basics, and when she felt stronger, she contacted Emerge!.
In just three months, Sara has become employed and moved into her own apartment. She is now able to focus on herself to start to heal from the abuse. Her healing process will take years but with one-on-one support and the camaraderie of others in the same situation, she has the strength to do the work. While she still feels vulnerable and at times lost, she grows stronger every day. She just takes one day at a time.
Tears flooded from Farrah’s eyes as she exposed secrets she had kept for so long. She grew up in a border town with a mom who was neglectful and careless with her children. Her stepfather began molesting her at the age of seven. She finally mustered the courage to tell her mother, but sadly her mom did not believe her. The abuse continued.
Farrah took refuge and comfort in going to school, but it wasn’t enough of an escape. At 15 she tried to commit suicide. At this time she was removed from her home and placed in foster care where she again endured neglect and abuse.
When Farrah turned 18 she went to live with her grandparents. The next three years were the best of her life. Her grandparents embraced her with love and support. She began a transformation, becoming a strong and courageous woman. However, Farrah’s strength was about to be tested; there was more trouble on the way.
Farrah’s heart was broken when her grandmother died. Soon after she met her abuser and had a child with him; she already had an eight-year-old son from a previous relationship. Even after the abuse started, she tried to make the relationship work. His anger, control issues and substance abuse made it impossible. Farrah was terrorized. Farrah later found out that her abuser had killed a man for which he spent time in prison. She made a plan to leave him with her children. Her plan was derailed when the neighbors called the police during an abusive incident. It was the night before she was planning to leave. Instead her children were removed from the home, and she went to the hospital with a concussion.
Farrah stated that she thought the above incident would break her. She had endured so much. However, she realized she was still alive and that she had already overcome many challenges. Farrah decided to put all her energy into fighting for herself and her children.
Since Farrah arrived at the shelter, she has made every day count by learning about domestic abuse and the effect it has had on her and her children. She is putting all of her energy into moving forward and is very active in the Emerge! community. She is looking for a job and is following a case plan created by Child Protective Services to get her children back.
When Farrah needs strength she closes her eyes and remembers the love and support her grandparents gave her. She remembers her amazing courage. She gains energy daily by forgiving the people who hurt her.
Stacy has been through a lifetime of violence. She was raised in a home where she experienced sexual, mental, and physical abuse. Stacy left the abusive environment at a young age and lived on the streets for many years. She jumped from relationship to relationship looking for love. Stacy desperately wanted to find someone who would love her unconditionally, but thought that would never happen for her.
A little over a year ago, Stacy thought she’d met the perfect guy. He was charming and quickly swept her off her feet. They moved in together and started a new life. Three months into the relationship her boyfriend became verbally abusive. It quickly escalated to physical abuse. At first, Stacy thought she had caused the abuse and believed she could change him, but it only got worse. He became so violent that the police were called. Stacy was encouraged to leave because the police were so concerned for her safety. She was given Emerge!’s information.
Since Stacy began receiving services with Emerge! she has had many successes. She is currently enrolled in a job program; is working on healing, and is looking forward to moving into her own home. She is actively working towards her goals every day and is very dedicated to improving her situation. “I am taking control of my life for the first time in my 24 years,” said Stacy. “Emerge! has taught me that I deserve better and can achieve anything I put my mind to.” Emerge! staff feels Stacy is an inspiration and has cherished witnessing her growth.
Angelica refused to speak. The people at the shelter tried to talk to her. Sometimes in a group with other kids, other times with her mom and little brother, and even one on one. Mostly she ignored them. The other children at the shelter would try to play with her. She ignored them too. She wasn’t having any of it. She had learned from experience that speaking out only got you into trouble. Silence was the only way she could show them how traumatized she was.
She was confused and afraid, but most of all she felt angry. Her mother had taken her from home against her father’s wishes. She knew he would be really mad when he found them. Every day they stayed away she knew it would be worse when they went back. The yelling. The hitting. Angelica knew this time he would blame her too. What was her mother thinking? This time he might get so mad that he would really hurt one of them. Angelica wondered if this time it would be her or her mom. She wasn’t sure which was worse. Every day her fear and anxiety grew.
More than a month passed. Angelica’s anxiety had stabilized, but she still would not speak. It didn’t stop people from speaking to her, even if she was only half-listening. One day her mother explained to her and her brother that she had found a job. Angelica was unsure how this would affect their lives. She didn’t ask questions; she decided she didn’t care. Then all of a sudden they were moving out of the shelter. The apartment didn’t have much furniture and no television, but Angelica had her own room. There was a pink comforter on the bed. Suddenly she didn’t know how to feel. Were they not going back to her dad? Was this really her new home? Would her mom be able to take care of them on her own? Angelica had always assumed that she couldn’t. She didn’t trust the situation.
More time went by and things actually seemed okay. There was food on the table. She was starting at a new school in August, just a couple of weeks away. She saw her aunt Mary who she vaguely remembered from when she was little. Mary had a daughter who was just a year younger than Angelica. They had played together a few times since the move. Angelica talked and laughed with her cousin, but only when she thought her mother couldn’t hear.
Angelica was starting to think maybe they would never go home. She was beginning to realize she didn’t want to. Angelica liked her new life. It felt warm, and it was starting to feel safe. She decided it was time to cooperate with her mom. Angelica broke her silence.
Gretchen called asking for help to leave an abusive relationship that started when she was just 16 years old. Gretchen stated that she met the abuser when she was in high school and thought nothing of it when he would ridicule or hit her. “I thought he was showing me love.” Today Gretchen understands it was abuse.
Gretchen grew up in a home that was filled with domestic violence. Her dad was physically abusive to her mom, her and her siblings. She knew she needed to break the cycle for herself and before it affected her two-month-old daughter Sky. Gretchen was able to articulate her strengths. She has always known that she was smart but she has realized that she is strong and courageous also.
Gretchen had her own apartment. She felt she just needed a place to stay long enough to obtain an Order of Protection. While staying with us, Gretchen received Safety and Goal Planning from staff along with transportation and support to obtain the Order of Protection.
Gretchen was enrolled in Pima Community College and was on the last semester of the Pharmacy Tech Program. Gretchen budgeted her financial aid and has her rent paid for the next several months. Money is an issue for Gretchen so staff assisted her with support to apply for DES benefits to include cash assistance, child support and child care. Gretchen also has food stamps and AHCCCS. With the proper financial supports in place, Gretchen will be able to finish her degree.
She has reopened the lines of communication with her mom and sister who are supporting her through the transition. They are beginning to see her amazing strength. Gretchen and Sky returned to their apartment not only with an Order of Protection, but with a new support system, stable finances, and a bright future.
Melissa sat shaking with fear. She had made the scariest, yet bravest decision of her life. It was late at night, but she knew if she didn’t leave, she might never see tomorrow. Melissa went to her closet, grabbed her shoe where she had hidden Emerge!’s shoe card and called our 24/7 crisis line. She was in an extremely high-risk situation and needed a safe place to stay. She was immediately accepted into our emergency shelter.
For the first time in years, Melissa had a night of peaceful sleep. She couldn’t imagine less than 24 hours ago, she was in a lethal situation. She quickly adapted to the shelter and was motivated to get her life back. Melissa worked closely with her case coordinator to heal and become less fearful of the outside world. She knew she would soon have to confront her abuser in court. She was terrified. In spite of her fear she knew she would be able to go with the support of Emerge! staff.
Melissa filed for divorce, moved out of the shelter and is now in her own apartment. She has obtained full-time employment and is doing very well. Melissa continues to utilize Emerge! services for support. Melissa says, “I know if I hadn’t made the call when I did, there is a good chance I would not be here today. Emerge! saved my life.”
Victoria has two boys. Her husband abandoned them long ago. In spite of her master’s degree and incredibly strong work ethic, Victoria has struggled both financially and emotionally since then. Eventually Victoria ended up in an abusive relationship. For years she struggled to leave her abuser, but felt she couldn’t take care of her boys on her own. When she finally left, they had to leave the majority of their belongings behind.
She had never been in a position where she had to ask for help and she didn’t know where to start. Conversations with Emerge! staff have slowly but surely helped Victoria recognize how capable she is. She is beginning to see how incredibly brave it was for her to leave everything behind. Victoria has obtained stable housing, furniture, and household appliances. She has a new sense of independence and her self-worth has increased. She is a true fighter and is motivated to do what’s best for her family.
Katie & Kylie’s Story
Six-year-old twins, Katie and Kylie, lived in an abusive home. For years, their mother had endured extreme physical abuse from her own brothers. The twins had grown up in a life of chaos, violence and instability. Their mother had moved them away from her brothers many times, but they always managed to find them. She was desperate to keep the twins safe, but didn’t know how to get away.
One day one of her brothers pointed a gun at her in front of Katie and Kylie; that was the moment she knew she had to take drastic measures. They could no longer move from place to place, and she knew she couldn’t turn to anyone in her family. She frantically started looking online for resources and came across Emerge!. She immediately called our 24/7 bilingual crisis line and shortly afterward, she and the twins were welcomed into our emergency shelter.
When Katie and Kylie first arrived at Emerge! they were notorious for wreaking havoc throughout the shelter. During children’s group they would take turns pulling things off shelves, dumping paint, and yelling. They were mimicking the behavior they had seen all of their lives.
Their case coordinator started working with the twins one on one. She would review behavior expectations with them before each group session and made sure they understood the consequences if these expectations were not met. No matter what, their case coordinator always made sure to emphasize how much she looked forward to spending time with them. The twins quickly responded to the expectations and the non-violent environment. In a matter of weeks, Katie and Kylie were excited to attend the children’s group and their behavior had improved tremendously.
Even though there is a long road ahead of them, Katie, Kylie and their mom continue to work towards healing as a family. “I love living in a place that doesn’t scare me. I feel safe,” said Katie. Their mom knows that calling Emerge! saved her life and the lives of her children.
It was 3:00 a.m. and Pam was planning her escape. She would leave with her children in the morning after her husband left for work. The next morning she anxiously stared at the clock; each minute that passed seemed like eternity. It was now five minutes past the time he usually left and she was growing more and more anxious. Another 10 minutes went by before she saw her husband slowly approaching her. He was holding something; it was her escape bag. He found it. She was instantly frozen with fear. With no words exchanged, he violently threw the bag at her and the physical abuse began. From that day on, Pam was forbidden to leave the house.
Two weeks later, the neighbors grew suspicious and realized something wasn’t right. They decided to call law enforcement. The police arrived and removed Pam and her children from the house. Her husband was formally charged as a criminal. Pam was relieved but unsure about her future. She was staying at her sister’s house and remembered a pamphlet she had received. She decided to contact Emerge!.
Pam and her children began attending support groups at one of Emerge!’s community-based sites (for people who need services but not shelter). A short time later, Pam obtained a job and began healing. With the help of Emerge!, she worked on her dream of having a place for her family to call home.
Pam and her case coordinator worked hard looking for places where she and her children would feel safe. Pam was aware that finding a place of her own might have hurdles but she was well prepared through our new Housing First program. With a lot of hard work and determination, Pam and her children are now in their own apartment. “This is what I have been working towards my whole life: feeling safe, having a home and being the best mother, daughter and sister I can be.” says Pam. She knows she has a long way to go but believes she can accomplish anything with the support of Emerge!.
Every day after the kids left for school Cheryl’s husband would lock her in the house until he arrived home from work. He had abused her this way for years, but things had changed. His drinking became out of control. He began missing work. Cheryl dreaded the days her husband would miss work; those were the worst days. The abuse became so bad she knew if she didn’t get out right away, she might not live to see tomorrow. She realized that she was living in fear for her life every second of every day, and it had gone on for far too long.
She gathered up the kids, and was out the door. She arrived at Emerge! with her kids and five dollars to her name. She couldn’t believe she had escaped unharmed and was finally in a safe place.
Over the last 10 months, Cheryl and her children have attended weekly groups as a family. Every day they grow stronger and stronger. Cheryl has enrolled in college and is working toward her degree. Her children are doing very well in school and are happy again. They are excited about the future they are creating with the help of Emerge!.
Ellie had been in and out of one bad relationship after another most of her life. Ellie finally came to Emerge! because she was “tired of always being sad and miserable.” With tears in her eyes she explained, “life is not supposed to be this way.” She was then able to share her story with her Emerge! case manager.
After safety planning with Emerge!, Ellie left her husband of 21 years. (Leaving is the most dangerous time). She was terribly afraid she would not be able to support herself, but she had to leave for her own safety. To add to her challenges, she was not a citizen. To help him retain control over her he had never allowed her to become legalized. She feared that if she left she would be unable to work legally, and would be deported.
After coming to Emerge!, she knew she deserved better. With our help and months of ups and downs, Ellie received her work permit. She was beaming and asked for assistance in looking for employment, “It is the first time I have felt alive in a really long time.” Soon she found a job and has since adopted a whole new outlook. Ellie says: “I know what my life is going to be like and it is exactly how I pictured it.”
Marcus is a teen-age boy who witnessed nearly lethal domestic abuse between his mother and step-father. Marcus wanted to talk to someone at Emerge! but was reluctant due to negative experiences with counselors in the past.
Marcus came in for services at one of Emerge!’s community-based sites (for people who need services but not shelter), with the encouragement of his mother, a participant at Emerge!. From the beginning Marcus clarified that he needed to feel comfortable before he could talk about his experiences. He felt safe very quickly at Emerge!. Marcus discussed the abuse he witnessed and his feelings regarding what happened during the most recent incident. His mom was violently beaten and strangled. Marcus responded by grabbing a knife and was considering stabbing his step-father when law enforcement arrived. His step-father was arrested and remains incarcerated. This incident and the abuse Marcus witnessed growing up have left him deeply psychologically wounded. He has been living in fear for most of his young life.
In spite of this, Marcus has been able to speak openly at Emerge! and is able to express his frustrations and anger regarding what he has witnessed. Marcus says he does not want to choose an abusive partner for himself when he grows up or emulate the controlling or abusive behavior he grew up witnessing. He knows he needs to break the cycle before he gets older.
Marcus is working toward healing from the abuse. Marcus’s role at home has increasingly become a role like that of a parental figure. He takes care of his younger siblings. He has fallen into pattern of taking care of others rather than himself. Marcus’s case coordinator helps him to find healthy outlets and to learn to take care of his own needs. Marcus says he is very happy to be coming to Emerge! and has gained a lot of insight from staff. Now Marcus says, “Thanks to Emerge! I now look forward to my future.”
Barbara is a 44-year-old woman who arrived at Emerge! with little hope. Barbara had been brutally attacked with a hammer by her husband of 13 years. The attack was nearly fatal, but Barbara fought to stay alive. When she arrived for her first appointment at Emerge!, her mouth was wired shut and she was barely able to speak. Barbara was originally referred from the Pima County Attorney’s Office, who performed a lethality screening on her. She was unresponsive due to the severity of her attack, but Emerge! received her information anyway due to the gravity of her situation.
Barbara often referred to herself as an “old woman” when she first started at Emerge!. After several sessions, Barbara began healing at a phenomenal rate, not only physically but emotionally. She was so impressed with the support and services she was receiving, she knew the next thing she had to do was bring her children to Emerge! for services. They were also deeply affected by the abuse.
Barbara’s abuser has been on the run since the attack; therefore she has not been able to file for an order of protection. With help from Emerge! staff, Barbara has created a safety plan for herself and her children. Emerge! has been advocating for Barbara and relaying messages from victim services. Her abuser has a warrant out for his arrest and the grand jury plans to charge him with a felony.
Unfortunately, Barbara has not had much support from her family during this process. In spite of that she has come full-circle. She has learned the abuse was not her fault, and that she and her children deserve to live a healthy life free from abuse. Barbara no longer refers to herself as an “old woman.” Barbara has a long road ahead of her but is confident she can handle it with support from Emerge!. She says, “I’m only 44 years old. I can’t wait to see what the world has to offer me.”
Gina had been married for 15 years and was a stay-at-home mom with three children. Gina and her husband had traditional ideas about gender roles in marriage. Her husband supported the family while Gina stayed home and cared for their children. She loved that she was able to stay home with her children.
However, Gina was often frustrated because she didn’t have access to money when she needed it for basic things. Every time the subject of money came up, he would tell her that he handled the money because he was much more competent than she was. This also meant not allowing her access to their shared accounts.
Over the years Gina’s husband made her feel incompetent about numerous other issues. Slowly she began to doubt herself. Gina’s sense of self grew smaller and her confidence waned year after year.
Gina hadn’t realized how unhappy she was until she ran into a friend that she hadn’t seen in a long time. Her friend commented on how reserved and sad Gina seemed. Gina expressed to her friend how she was feeling about her marriage and her friend suggested that she see a counselor.
During Gina’s first visit with the counselor, the counselor suggested that her marriage was becoming abusive. Gina was shocked and in disbelief. Her husband was not physically abusive, so Gina didn’t consider herself to be in an abusive situation. She stopped seeing the counselor immediately.
A few years later, the controlling behavior began to escalate. He yelled and used derogatory names; not only to Gina but now to their children as well. She knew she had to get help. Gina didn’t want her children to grow up in a toxic environment. Gina decided to go back to the counselor with more open perspective.
After a few visits, the counselor referred her to Emerge!. Through Emerge! Gina began to learn about different forms of abuse like intimidation, verbal abuse and financial control. She recognized some of the tactics her husband had used to control her. She decided she had to leave. Gina filed for divorce and moved out.
Today, Gina has graduated from college and is now teaching. Her children are doing well in school and are much happier. Gina states, “Emerge! gave me the courage and self worth to leave and start a new life.”
Carmen knew she had to make a choice. She and her three children were headed down a sad road. She knew something needed to change. She decided to bring her children to a session at one of Emerge!’s community-based office (for families in need of services, but not shelter) and see if it helped.
The first session that Carmen and her three children attended was our dance therapy class. It was a big step. After everything they’d been through they were timid and afraid of the unknown. Only a few minutes went by before Carmen and her children were dancing and laughing. They knew they were in a safe space where they could express themselves.
Each child has grown over the last month. The 11 year old now participates and interacts with other children. The eight year old, who at first wouldn’t speak during sessions, has taken a leadership role and helps the younger children in the group sessions. The five year old, who at first kept to himself, has made many new friends. They continue to attend family group every week and participate in the activities. Carmen states: “My family has transformed in a period of one month. I am so grateful for the program. I can see a new life ahead.”
For three long years Andrea was physically, sexually and psychologically abused by her boyfriend. When they met she was in college, had a part-time job she loved, and a promising future. It was love at first sight. They were inseparable. She became so entangled in the relationship, she didn’t recognize it was becoming abusive. Suddenly she began to realize that something wasn’t right.
The situation came to a head on graduation night. Andrea was at a party celebrating with a few friends. Her boyfriend showed up heavily intoxicated and wanted her to leave with him. Andrea decided it was best that she drive him home. When they arrived at his house, she walked him inside. She was getting ready to leave, but he begged her to stay. Andrea didn’t want to because he had been drinking and she was afraid of him. She grabbed the keys and began to walk out. Just as she reached the door she was physically attacked by both her boyfriend and his friend. She fought back and barely escaped the highly dangerous situation. Once free, Andrea ran to a safe place and called the police.
The police department referred Andrea to Emerge! via the Lethality Assessment Program (a program that provides a framework for law enforcement and advocates to work together and offer services when someone is in an abusive relationship that is potentially lethal). After Andrea made contact with Emerge! she immediately utilized our services. Andrea states that “It is a great feeling to learn so much information that I am able to feel empowered. I can also share this information with my friends and family.” She plans to keep using Emerge! services, move forward, and live a life free from abuse.
Lily grew up in a struggling nation. She was 20 when she moved to the United States in search of a better life. Shortly after her arrival she fell in love and married. A year later, Lily gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was a life-changing experience for her; her dreams had come true. Then she slowly started to see changes in her husband’s behavior. At first the abuse was verbal. She hoped that it was just the stress—after all, having a new baby was demanding. She thought things would soon go back to the way they were. However, they didn’t, and the abuse quickly escalated, becoming physical.
Lily was so unhappy and wanted to leave the abusive situation. She didn’t want to raise her child in an abusive home. Lily was scared of what her family would think if she left. So she told them what was happening in her home. Her family felt that the situation must be dealt with by them, rather than seeking outside help (which is common in her culture). So her family got together and confronted her husband. This was effective for a short amount of time. The abuse stopped for about a month but then became much worse. It had grown into a highly lethal situation; Lily knew she had to leave before it was too late.
Lily was able to find shelter through Emerge!. While in the shelter, Lily was able to find a great job. She is also planning to go back to school. “Being in shelter not only saved my life but gave me the opportunity to create a healthy life for myself and my son,” Lily stated. Emerge! staff is thrilled that they were able to give Lily the support she needed to start a new life.
Patricia learned how to take care of herself at a very young age and calls herself a survivor. She grew up in an orphanage and never had any positive role models in her life. Patricia married at a young age. She was hoping to create the family she never had a chance to know growing up.
Patricia married her husband three months after meeting him. The marriage was great in the beginning but that quickly changed. She never imagined that her life could be any worse than it had been for her growing up, but it was. Shortly after they married her husband began forcing her to work long hours at his family’s store. His family “kept tabs” on her during her 14 hour work day. “This was to make sure I didn’t flirt with anyone,” Patricia stated. After years of psychological, physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse, she just couldn’t take it anymore. She decided to leave her husband and re-build her life.
A few months after Patricia left her husband he begged and pleaded for her to forgive him. She was terrified he would hurt her if she didn’t go back. Within a few weeks of moving back, the abuse started again. It was more frequent and violent than before. Patricia had had enough. She didn’t want to live like this anymore.
Patricia began secretly seeing a therapist and was able to develop a safety plan. After many months of planning, it was time for her to leave. She grabbed what she could fit in a small backpack, collected her children and fled in the middle of the night. Once they were in a safe place she called Emerge!.
While at Emerge! she went through the Y-works program at the YWCA, which assists people in learning life and work skills. Today, Patricia has secured full-time employment and has moved into her own home for the first time in 37 years.
Patricia and her children are still attending sessions at Emerge!. In addition, her children have been enrolled in an anti-bullying program in the community. She wants her children to live a healthy lifestyle. “If there is anything I can take from this,” Patricia stated, “it is that abuse was NOT my fault and I had the POWER to change it.” She and her children are now happier than they could have ever imagined.
Monica has been married for 14 years. She recently sought services at Emerge! because she realized her family life wasn’t working for her or her children. Her son had fallen into a depressive state and her daughter no longer interacted with the family. Monica couldn’t believe how her marriage had made such an extreme turn for the worse in the past year. Her self-esteem was almost non-existent. The blame and emotional abuse she had experienced had left her miserable.
Monica knew things needed to change and decided to seek help through Emerge!. She has begun gaining her self-esteem back with Emerge!’s continued support and education. Monica has enrolled her children into Emerge!’s child services because of the great success she experienced.
Since Monica and her children have been attending Emerge! services, they are much happier and feel a sense of empowerment. Monica is extremely grateful that Emerge! offers services that are free to the community and sees this resource as indispensible. They now smile all the time.
Diane and her children (ages four, six and eight) have been attending family sessions at an Emerge! community-based office (for families in need of services, but not shelter). They are learning how to express feelings in a healthy way.
Diane is pleased that Emerge! is teaching her children to express their feelings verbally. Because of Emerge!’s help, they have a better understanding of their negative feelings such as anger and frustration, and can express their needs more effectively. Diane sees that they are becoming capable of working through their disagreements without lashing out at each other physically or verbally. She is so proud of how they are healing as a family.
Isabel grew up in an abusive home. At 18 she left to attend college where she met her husband. He was Prince Charming, controlling and powerful. Isabel wasn’t immediately alarmed by his behavior. She had seen a lot of that at home and thought it was normal.
After knowing him just a short time, they married. They had two children and moved from the mid-West to Arizona. Isabel recalls feeling very isolated; she had no friends or family here. Isabel and her abuser became very involved in their congregation, and over time she began to make friends. She could not share with them, though, that she was being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. After more than 10 years of abuse, Isabel had had enough. She began to look for help while her husband was at work.
Isabel called the Emerge! hotline quite often and talked with our staff for hours about the abuse. After months of secretly receiving support from Emerge!, she developed a safety plan and finally left. Isabel went into Emerge!’s shelter where she resided for four months. She began the divorce and custody process by utilizing the QUILT program—a program of the Pima County Bar Association that offers legal services at a reduced rate for people whose incomes qualify.
When Isabel was ready to seek employment, Emerge! helped prepare her for her interview. She felt excited and confident. Today she has been with her employer for more than six months.
At work, Isabel shared the fact that she used the services of a domestic violence shelter with some close friends, including her employer. She was shocked to learn that her boss was both aware of Emerge!, and was a donor. She and her boss were pleased that this had indeed “come full circle.”
Isabel is still coming to Emerge! for support and services. She and her children are very happy living on their own. What makes her the happiest is that she has put an end to the cycle of abuse in her family. She no longer feels that abuse is normal, and is proud that she decided to make the change for herself and her family. She is now living a life free from abuse.
Vanessa came to Emerge! in 2010. She didn’t need shelter so she accessed services at Voices Against Violence, one of Emerge!’s outreach centers. Vanessa had just left an abusive relationship. Even though she returned to her abuser several times in her process, Vanessa ultimately gained the strength she needed to leave her abuser for good. Recently, she finalized her divorce and is on the path toward healing. She has verbalized numerous times how very thankful she is for the ongoing support of staff, and attributes much of her success to Emerge!.
Vanessa has often discussed concerns for her friends that are still in abusive relationships. She has shared handouts with her friends and has encouraged them to come to Emerge!. Vanessa has used her experiences with Emerge! to help motivate her friends to seek support. As a result of her advocacy and encouragement, three of her friends have come to Emerge! for services. These women have utilized Emerge!’s resources, know their options, and are discovering their strengths.
Emma’s husband was abusive. She wanted to gain a better understanding of why she chose abusive partners, how she could boost her self-esteem, and gather the confidence she needed to leave her marriage. She talked about the control issues and emotional abuse she lived with.
With the support of Emerge! staff and programs, Emma decided to return to school to complete her GED. As each week passed, she came in looking and feeling happier. She stated “Now I am getting ready for the journey.” Her plan is to leave the marriage, attend college, and regain her independence.
Emma thanks Emerge! for the support she received during her ongoing journey. She continues attending individual and group sessions.
Emma is a wonderful example of a person who has been able to find help before she needed emergency shelter. About half of the women and families Emerge! serves are able to find help through our programs, but never reside in our shelters. We have several community-based sites (walk-in locations where we offer support for those who do not need shelter) available to serve these participants.
Angel is a young girl living in the shelter with her mom. When Angel first arrived she was constantly biting her fingernails; her mother thought it might be a nervous habit. She was also concerned because Angel always looked scared.
Angel began attending the children’s groups. She quickly formed strong connections with the other children attending. Soon after she joined the group, she stopped biting her fingernails.
Recently, Angel asked staff if she could read at story time. Staff encouraged her. She went to her school library and picked out several books she could read to the group. Angel thoroughly enjoys reading the stories and is an excellent reader. For Angel, reading to the other children is amazingly therapeutic for her.
Every day her newfound self esteem and confidence are more evident. She no longer looks scared, and her personality has become outgoing. She loves to laugh and interact with the other children. Today, Angel smiles all the time!
I never imagined my beautiful, bright daughter would find herself in an abusive relationship. When I realized what was happening, I wanted to protect her. I was, after all, her mother. Still I felt so helpless. My well-intentioned efforts to intervene only drove her away. I couldn’t understand why she would go back to her abuser repeatedly.
My daughter stopped communicating with me because she was embarrassed and humiliated. She became angry when I refused to allow her abuser in my home. Our relationship suffered, only furthering her isolation.
Out of desperation, I reached out to Emerge!. Emerge! helped me understand the power and control issues that exists in domestic abuse. They helped me to learn about what my daughter was going through. I changed my approach with my daughter. What she needed was support, encouragement, and the resources to achieve her goals; not someone telling her what to do.
I’m so grateful she chose to receive help from Emerge!. Our relationship started to improve. I took her to get a haircut for the first time in years. As part of her abuser’s effort to isolate her, he had been cutting her hair. As she got out of the car, I said, “Honey, you are my best friend.” My daughter replied, “Mom, you are my only friend.”
My daughter now attends support groups regularly and has been residing in the transitional housing program since summer 2008. My three grandchildren are blossoming. They used to tell me, “Daddy hurt mommy’s face.” Now they excitedly tell me, “Nana, we are going to group tonight!”
Attending support group has changed all of our lives. The children can better express themselves. My beautiful daughter is going to school, and I’m so proud of her progress.
Elise’s husband abused her day after day. She lived in constant fear. One night after her husband had been out drinking, he came home and began to physically assault her. It escalated to the point when it might be too late to leave safely. Elise grabbed her cell phone and ran. She found a safe place and called 9-1-1. The police arrived and her husband was arrested.
Elise stayed at a friend’s house and decided she didn’t need to seek outside services. She was in a safe place and he was in jail. Elise enrolled in school but found she wasn’t able to concentrate. She continued to think about the abuse. Just as she thought maybe she should quit school, she heard about Emerge! She immediately called and scheduled an intake meeting with Emerge!
Since then Elise has had many sessions with Emerge! staff to discuss her struggles. She was able to move forward with a divorce through a referral to Southern Arizona Legal Aid. During this process she realized that not only had she been physically and emotionally abused, but financially as well. She didn’t know her husband owed thousands of dollars in credit card bills. Additionally, the physical abuse she endured landed her in the hospital several times, leaving her with medical bills she was struggling to pay. Through our program Elise applied for and received victim compensation which alleviated her debt. She never expected we could provide services to help someone in her situation with so many obstacles.
Elise has been coming to Emerge! for more than a year. During that time she graduated from school and started a new life. Elise continues to attend sessions here at Emerge! and feels good about her accomplishments. At her last session she shared that after feeling lost, she has now found herself and can’t wait to see what her future holds.
She was just trying to keep it together for her son, Eric, and her baby, Anna. Yesterday she was walking home from the store with Eric and he looked so scared; he didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to go home either. It wasn’t safe, not for any of them. That’s when she decided. As soon as her husband went out she would quickly pack a bag, take Eric and the baby, and go to the shelter. She just had to get through the next few hours.
When they got home her husband was already gone, but Marie wasn’t sure for how long. If he did come home and dinner wasn’t ready there would be trouble. Frozen with indecision, she wasn’t sure if she should make dinner or start packing. She got the kids settled and decided to call the shelter hotline, maybe they couldn’t even take her right away. She fished the hotline number out of a folder she’d previously hidden in the closet under a pile of old clothes.
As the phone rang she pulled out a bag and went into the room Anna and Eric shared. She had just started grabbing clothes and toys when the hotline worker picked up. Marie’s story came flooding out. She talked about the abuse and how she was packing to leave. The person she spoke to on the hotline made all of the arrangements. She was to meet a car in 45 minutes at the corner a few blocks from her house, a route her husband rarely, if ever traveled.
Marie hung up the phone and rushed to get everything ready to go. Thankfully the baby was sleeping and Eric was playing in the living room. She wildly threw things into the bag, constantly listening for the sound of her husband’s car in the driveway. It never came.
Finally, she gathered up the kids and was out the door. They hurried through the neighborhood, Marie constantly looking back over her shoulder, terrified she would be caught. The car from the shelter was waiting there when they arrived. They all piled in and Marie nervously watched to see if anyone was following. She didn’t even want to breathe until they were far enough away.
When they got to the shelter Marie met with a clinician while Eric had dinner and she fed the baby. They talked about the family and the abuse. Marie started to calm down when she knew they’d all be able to stay in the same room together, but panicked again when she realized she’d forgotten Anna’s diapers. Luckily they had a stock in Anna’s size right there.
Once everything was settled, they were shown their room. It had a crib for Anna and beds with new sheets and pillows for Marie and Eric. That night Marie, for the first time in years, slept soundly knowing she was safe. Today they are starting their journey toward a safe, loving home.
Sandra didn’t know where to go. It was 2:00 a.m. and her situation was growing more dangerous by the minute. Her husband was on the way home from the bar. Her boys were at their grandmother’s. She was thankful they weren’t home, but apprehensive about it too. It was her husband’s mother who had them and, if she ran, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get them back. Still, it was better than having them see the violence.
Even though she didn’t know where she was running, Sandra knew she had to get out. She went to the closest Tucson Police Department station and asked them what to do. Thankfully, they sent her to the shelter. When she got there they just listened. They helped her understand that it wasn’t her fault, and gave her a safe place to sleep. When she left the next day to get her boys, they told her she could always come back and bring the boys with her if she needed to.
Thankfully Sandra got her boys back and had a friend who was willing to take them in for a few days. They later moved into a room at the hotel where Sandra worked. It was hard, her husband was the main breadwinner, but they survived. Even though her husband had threatened to take the kids away if she ever left him, Sandra got the family home and full custody of her sons in the divorce. Her ex continued to harass her and make threats for a long time, but finally gave up. Today Sandra manages a local hotel and is completing her college degree.
She credits that one night in the shelter with changing her life in a way she never thought possible.
Jacob made perfect grades on his report card…but he didn’t want to go home. He and his brother Adam and older sister Jessica were enrolled in all kinds of after school activities. They played sports, belonged to clubs, anything to keep them away from home. During the summer they were all away at camp as much as possible. They didn’t want to go home, and Candace, their mother didn’t want them there. She didn’t want them seeing the abuse she endured.
They lived in a small community in southern Arizona, where they relocated a few years ago from another part of the country. Candace thought it would be a good move, a fresh start for the family, but it didn’t change anything. In fact, it only increased their isolation from friends and family. Over time the abuse got worse.
Finally, even though the traditions of her culture disapproved of her leaving her abuser, Candace had enough. She packed up her children and made the long drive to Tucson and moved her family into the Emerge! shelter. Her guilt was overwhelming. Jacob, Adam and Jessica were old enough to understand what was going on. They all felt that it was wrong for their mother to leave their father, even though none of them wanted to stay. Candace felt it was wrong too, but she couldn’t take the abuse anymore. It had torn her family apart.
Over time they all came to grips with the choice that Candace made. They learned more about abuse and how dangerous their situation really was. They continued to attend groups at Emerge!’s outreach location after leaving the shelter. Over time the family healed. They now enjoy spending time together. They have a safe, loving home and bright futures.
Jenny came to the Emerge! shelter program after enduring a four-year abusive relationship where there was physical, emotional and verbal abuse. Jenny had domestic violence in her family growing up and the cycle continued into her adult relationships. Jenny had been in the Emerge! shelter program before, but had returned to the abuser after promises of change. She reports that when she returned, the only thing that changed was the increase in severity of the abuse.
Jenny began to increase her involvement in the Emerge programs and began to understand the dynamics of domestic abuse and the cycle of violence. She recognized that the abuse was not her fault and began to set goals for herself. By the end of her shelter stay, Jenny had accomplished many of her goals including obtaining full-time employment and securing permanent housing with the help of the Supportive Housing Program.
Jenny continues to work on her goals of education, increasing her physical and mental health, and spending more time with her family. Jenny knows that her journey of healing will be a long one, but takes it one day at a time and lives life to the fullest. Her courage, strength and perseverance is a symbol of hope for all others wanting to create a change in their own lives.
Reuniting a Family
When Lea came to shelter last fall, she needed medical attention and was unable to work. The abuse had left her unable to care for her four children. They were in the custody of Child Protective Services (CPS). Compounding the situation, fleeing her abuser left her homeless. By the time Lea completed her stay at the shelter that winter, custody of her children had been returned to her. She received a medical procedure that she needed and her health improved. She secured a job, and she moved into to her own apartment with her children. With ongoing, caring support from Emerge! Lea and her children are beginning a life free from abuse.
Saving a Young Life
Alexa is an 11-year-old living in the shelter with her mother and two siblings due to domestic violence. Alexa has been exposed to domestic abuse perpetrated by her step-father since she was three years old. When Alexa came to the shelter she was upset with her mother for taking her and her brothers from their home. With help, Alexa was able to see past the change and adapt to shelter life. She agreed to have one-on-one sessions with the child and family case coordinator. Through these sessions Alexa disclosed that, in the past, she had been feeling suicidal. The steps were taken to get her the help she needed. Alexa continues to meet with the child and family case coordinator to have one-on-one sessions and groups while at shelter.
In all stories names, photos and some details have been changed to protect the innocent.